I don't have time for this

I don't have time for this.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I've said or even thought this phrase recently.

Yesterday afternoon, I was in the midst of addressing Christmas cards, writing thank you notes from our wedding, making a dip for a family get-together, entering grades, starting a load of laundry, and running the dishwasher.  As I often do when I'm trying to multi-task, I found myself getting more and more frustrated, more and more annoyed, more and more, quite frankly, grumpy.  And as I started every task, I found myself getting ill and frustratingly whispering to myself, "I don't have time for this!!"

And then I heard it.  That still small voice.  That still small voice that comforts, brings peace, gives grace, loves relentlessly.  That still small voice that convicts.

That still small voice whispered to my heart, "Don't have time for what?  For life?"

These moments, this small chaos, this is what life is made of.  It is busy and peaceful and crazy and hard and beautiful and frustrating and lovely.  It is good because the One who gives life is good.

So often, I get caught up in the chaos.  I've never been good at chaos and conflict- my instinct is to want to skip it...skip to the evening, skip to Friday, skip to vacation, skip to (insert event here).  But God has put it so plainly:  "Don't be wishing you were someplace else...Where you are right now is God's place for you.  Live and obey and love and believe right there." (1 Corinthians 7:17a, the Message).  He wants to meet us and use us right where we are, no matter our circumstance.  My chaos is relatively small, especially when you consider the happenings in our world.  And yet, with all that is going on in His world, God still cares about the chaos and mess in my life.  No matter how big or how trivial to others, to the world, or even to ourselves, God notices and He cares, and He wants to use it for His glory and our good.

Once I took a deep breath, I looked around our two bedroom apartment.  And I loved what I saw.
That pile of Christmas cards and that stack of thank you notes reminded me that we have people in our lives we are lucky to love and who love us in return.  That dip that needed to be made meant we have food to eat, enough to share, and loved ones to share it with.  Those grades I needed to enter were a reminder that I'm fortunate to be able to do what I'm called to do and get paid for it.  That load of laundry and full dishwasher meant we have clothes to wear, food to eat, and something to eat on and with, and clean water to wash them.  And when I calmed down, I realized my precious husband had picked up unloading the dishwasher right where I frantically scooted off to the next thing; he was stirring the ingredients in the crockpot and figuring out what to add next (quite the task, considering his wife doesn't often use recipes).

This holiday season, I'm working on eliminating the phrase "I don't have time for this" from my vocabulary.  Because what I'm really saying when I say that is "I don't have time for this life"; what I'm really saying is "I don't have time for these gifts, God."  And who am I to turn down a gift? ;-)

Making time,
Kayla